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My cyst is gone!  I made the doc repeat that sentence a few times this morning , because I couldn’t believe it!  Denial Junky and Hope Addict are celebrating up a storm and I am super excited!  I still need to get my bloodwork back to be given the all clear to start Follistim and Repronex, so I am not getting TOO excited until I get that phone call.  However, last week my estrogen level was a 12, which seems really low to me, so there shouldn’t be any problems this week.  Right?

I’ve been thinking about that number “12” all week.  “How many estrogens you got?  — I got 12.”  It just seems so strange to be quantifying our hormones this way, and then to not have 12 thousand or 12 million….just “12” …is funny to me for some reason.  Probably a side effect of the Lupron in the small print…”patient may find unexpected humorous content in resulting E2 levels.”

I made the nurse show me three times how to do the repronex and follistim and then had to play with the teaching tools myself.  Bless her heart for being so patient.  I may be infertile, but I am definitely not an alchemist, and mixing strange powders (which may be stranger than any of us think) and sodium chloride do not sit well in my little bubble of life experience.  On a positive note during the lesson, the nurse did tell me that air bubbles in subQ injections were not a problem health wise – which was relieving because I kept expecting to drop dead every morning after injecting syringes of Lupron with visible air bubbles at the top.  The medicine would come out the needle tip when I checked, but I could still see a pocket of air in the syringe.   I learned that any large air bubbles in a subQ injection would just take the place of the medicine going in…so although its not a good thing to inject air, it won’t hurt you at all.  And since my estrogen level was 12, I was evidently getting plenty of meds into my stomach.

So…blood test results are up next.  More waiting!!


I woke up today having the most anxiety ridden, and yet funniest dream, I have had in a long time.

I was busy doing a huge pastel painting, and it was time to give myself my first Lupron injection. I got the vial out and tried to get the medicine into the needle, which the nurse made look so simple yesterday. The medicine started dripping down the sides of the needle, and so I tried to fix the needle, but ended up with Lupron all over my hands. My next strategy to resolve the leak was to put the needle into my mouth to try and return it to its previously useful form. Of course the Lupron got in to my mouth (what the hell was I thinking?!?) so I started spitting furiously, knowing that Lupron in the mouth is not a Good Thing. At that point, I asked my mom to help me (she was busy coloring with the pastels), and so she took the needle to try and fix it….but she had pastels all over her hands and got the needle all dirty. I grabbed the needle back from her and started to try and clean it off, when it fell from my hands onto the cat-fur covered carpet! I picked it up, and it was covered in furballs…so I realized that I would need a new needle. That is when I noticed that it was 10:45 (the nurse told me yesterday that I needed to take the shot by 11) and I though, “AHHH, I am running out of time!” So I went to my huge box-o-meds and started sifting through the dozens of needles, couldn’t find the right one…and it was about this time that I woke up and realized that it was time for my shot.

After calming my racing heart from the mother of all disaster dreams, I gave myself the shot, and it was fine. All of the women I have spoken to online said that they didn’t feel it, but I was sure that they were lying because how can a NEEDLE going into your SKIN not hurt?  But…I really didn’t feel it, not a thing. Maybe it’s the fat on my stomach (that I was sure would never serve a happy purpose until today…in fact, I was actually wishing that there was MORE fat to pinch, welcome to bizarro world)…but…nothing, not even a pinch or poke. The medicine went in after a brief struggle with the plunger, and that was that. 6 hours later I have a strange headache that sort of encircles the top of my head and emits a weird inward radiating pressure. Usually I have what feels like a super sized axe chopping in to my right temporal lobe…so this is a nice change of pace!

I’m looking forward to the other surprises that this cycle brings…hopefully one of which is a baby!!