Only a male would say that an egg retrieval procedure is “painless.” In this article, Dr. Bruce Shapiro proclaims that egg donation is “painless,” and “usually include some aches and cramps, similar to those of a woman’s period.

Fist of all, any time a needle is inserted through the vagina wall and pierces internal organs, you are not allowed to use the word “painless.” I mean, technically he’s correct, no pain is normally experienced during the retrieval itself – because the woman is knocked unconscious with anesthesia. When she wakes up and the meds wear off, the pain makes itself known.

Second of all, using the word “painless” in conjunction with a woman’s period cramps is patronizing. My (and many women’s) period cramps hurt like a mofo the first two days. So he can just shut the hell up about that.

Anyhow, no big deal, I was just amused by this doctor’s description of the process. He is obviously selling the procedure to women who have never been through an IVF cycle, and have no idea what’s in store.

From what I have heard, I am expecting some degree of pain after the egg retrieval, and will be ecstatic if it is on the level with my period cramps. Many women do actually compare typical pain to very strong period cramps, but this is the pain report after they have taken 2 extra strength tylenol.

So, Dr. Shapiro – you are doing a great service, and we are all very thankful for donor eggs….but you need to be careful about how you sell these services to women, all of whom know better than you.