The big question – do we think that my new friend the ovarian cyst, I like to call it “Cysty” – is shrinking?  I am feeling like the shrinkage of Cysty in a week would be a miracle, which isn’t likely.   And which will cause big timing issues for me and husband.  He has a trip to CA and a trip to South Africa coming up in mid-August, so things need to get a move-on with the stims or else we have a problem.  I won’t let him cancel these trips (he recently took this job specifically so that he could do trips like the aforementioned) and he won’t let me do the IVF procedure alone….so I don’t think we will have any alternative but to cancel and try again in another month or so.   Which wouldn’t be all that terrible (despite 21 days of Lupron injections and headaches for nothing)…..except that we are trying to sell our house, so may not be in the area much longer, and receiving benefits that will pay for IVF, being close to our current RE, etc.

I guess I need to figure out if his insurance will pay for IVF when we switch over, which will probably factor in to our decision to proceed or cancel this week, if Cysty is still there.

It’s so frustrating all the choices that us infertiles have to make….these are not things that normal baby makers have to take in to account.

They have sex on cycle day 14 (in October of course for a summer birthday) and whammo – baby on the way!

VS.

Our months and months of trying which begins to turn sex into a mechanical exercise in how male and female anatomy correspond, questioning whether to go through uncomfortable and often serious medical procedures to determine the causes of infertility (and then winding up with a diagnosis of “unexplained infertility” to show for our troubles), having all sexual privacy invaded and providing “specimens” on demand at 6:30 am, questioning whether to start letting the docs take partial control of our bodies with IUI cycles and then questioning whether to hand complete control over to them for an IVF cycle.  And geez, while we’re making these decisions, can we really handle twins?  Or triplets??  I’m not even going near selective reduction issues.  And then, at last committing to an IVF cycle –  and wondering whether all of the injections and bruises and headaches and potential life threatening risks we are taking will even bring us to our goal.  And then a cyst can come along and make things REALLY interesting.  It’s fucking hard, and it just goes on and on.  Even when we are lucky enough to get pregnant, it’s beta numbers to stress over, and super early ultrasounds and PIO injections for 12 weeks….

I think fertile women have about a 2% idea about what being infertile really means, and how it effects our lives in so many ways.   I know this, because if they had any sort of reasonable understanding, they wouldn’t dare complain about their babies/kids/pregnancies in front of us.

I suppose it’s all relative, which is an important thing to remember.  There are women who would love to, but could never afford IVF and so don’t want to hear me complain about the resulting choices/stresses.  And there are people who don’t even have homes or jobs, let alone health insurance that covers IVF, who also would tell me to shut up and count my blessings.

I am really hoping that my blessings include the ability to proceed with an IVF cycle this Thursday.  Fingers crossed.

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