Nothing has happened in my little Lupron filled bubble for the past few days.  I am futilely waiting for my period to arrive (or AF as we infertiles like to call it) in the hopes that I could do my baseline ultrasound tomorrow and start my stims this Saturday.   Despite my clever choice of white pants today, I have zero cramping and no migraine, and its already 5 now, so I think I’m screwed.  Of course I am panicked that I am somehow pregnant (Lupron and fetuses don’t mix), which is why my period has not arrived yet.  My brain is so twisted that I manage to worry about somehow become pregnant through an immaculate conception after two years of infertility and 3 failed IUIs.  And a very low sperm count, morphology and motility.  We had to abstain from sex, but we were not puritans, if you know what I mean.  So of course, I worry.  I am a chronic worrier, and so I worry that the chronic worrying is probably why I have never become pregnant.  Which makes me worry that I never WILL become pregnant, and so I am always having to worry about trying  to stop worrying.  There is a Monty Python song that sums this up nicely:

I’m so worried about what’s hapenin’ today, in the middle east, you know
And I’m worried about the baggage retrieval system they’ve got at Heathrow
I’m so worried about the fashions today, I don’t think they’re good for your feet
And I’m so worried about the shows on TV that sometimes they want to repeat

I’m so worried about what’s happenin’ today, you know
And I’m worried about the baggage retrieval system they’ve got at Heathrow
I’m so worried about my hair falling out and the state of the world today
And I’m so worried about bein’ so full of doubt about everything, anyway

I’m so worried about modern technology
I’m so worried about all the things that they dump in the sea
I’m so worried about it, worried about it, worried, worried, worried

I’m so worried about everything that can go wrong
I’m so worried about whether people like this song
I’m so worried about this very next verse, it isn’t the best that I’ve got
And I’m so worried about whether I should go on, or whether I should just stop

I’m worried about whether I ought to have stopped
And I’m worried about, it’s the sort of thing I ought to know
And I’m worried about the baggage retrieval system they’ve got at Heathrow

I’m so worried about whether I should have stopped then
I’m so worried that I’m driving everyone ’round the bend
I’m worried about the baggage retrieval system they’ve got at Heathrow

Anyway, thats me in a nutshell.  Wow, I thought this would be an IF/IVF blog, but it looks I can air out my OCD and anxiety issues too!!  Lucky readers!

Anyway, my period being late was predicted by the  nurses and it probably won’t show up until the weekend.  Which means I have to wait until NEXT Thursday for my baseline appt. because my RE only does baseline checks on Thursdays and Fridays.  Sigh.  Will this month never end?

In other news, I am going to soon be obtaining a small voice recorder to carry around during the day.  I always have tons of writing ideas and (I think) interesting thoughts and random trivia questions that pop up in my head on a daily basis, which however conveniently vanish when I go to blog.  So I think it would be fun to capture all of these thoughts and possibly produce some interesting reading on my blog.  Stay tuned….

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